The Companion Piece 14: Last Christmas

Christmas is a weird and chaotic time of year. I spent this one juggling two different families, various unexpected houseguests, and a truly terrifying amount of cooking and baking. Thank gods, then, for Doctor Who - the one reliable constant amid all the baubles and madness.

It looked for a while like this latest Companion Piece was going to go horribly wrong. We set a time and a date, and then Christmas got in the way and I ended up stranded in a location with no internet serving food and quite possibly baking again. Big thanks to Emily and Paul B for running the show without me at the last moment - you guys rule!

If you click the link below, you can read all our analysis of Last Christmas. You might be surprised to see that my name and comments are in there too. I'll leave you to figure out exactly how, but suffice it to say the explanation involves timetravel, Santa, and the fact that you're actually still dreaming...

The Companion Piece: 2014 Archive

And one more for luck. The Companion Piece has ended for the series (though it'll hopefully be back for Christmas) but I thought it would be useful to have one final post archiving all the rest, making it possible to access every episode of the series without having to search for them.

Actually that's a lie. The main reason I wanted to do this was to showcase all the header images we created for this series. I put far more effort into them than any sensible person would, and I'm extremely pleased how they all turned out. Flatline's still my favourite, I think, but there's a few contenders.

But the point still stands - it's nice to finally have all the episodes together in one place! So click below to check out all fourteen episodes of our Doctor Who discussions.

The Companion Piece 13: Series Eight

Y'know, I'm going to miss doing The Companion Piece every week. I've never had a project with a consistant weekly deadline before - certainly never one with such a quick turnaround - and trying to keep on top of it was exhilarating, sleep-deprivation and all! Having said that, doing this week's final retrospective episode was something of a relief, because we could transcribe it early instead of waiting for everyone to catch a new episode first.

What's struck me most throughout the last twelve weeks is how everyone on the team approaches these episodes in such different ways. Matt King looks for action and excitement, Paul Blewitt wants logic and scientific accuracy, David responds to emotional content, Paul Everitt just wants good individual stories, and I'm a sucker for themes and arcs. And those different attitudes have never been more apparent than this week, where we talked about what worked for us and what didn't. The answers we all came up with could not be more different, and I think that's wonderful.

So one last time, for old times' sake, click the image below...

The Companion Piece 12: Death in Heaven

It's been a few days since Death in Heaven brought an end to this latest series of Doctor Who, and I'm still kinda struggling with it. I can see, on a structural and intellectual level, how things played out the way they did and why that should have worked - and yet it never quite felt like it did.

It's all there, though. Every little setup and repeating motif in this crazy-dense series gets paid off in this one. Some are more successful than others (Courtney Woods and the Gifted and Talented class only seem to exist to set up one line) but they're all there and they all work. It's clever and meticulously constructed, to the point that there are (admittedly unnecessary) flashbacks from basically every single episode tying this one together.

Yet there's just something about the soldier arc that doesn't quite click, even though what happens makes perfect thematic sense. In The Companion Piece below, I had a few thoughts on what the problem might be, but even they don't seem quite right. I feel like I'm missing something fundamental, and it bugged me for days that I couldn't work out what.

But then I took a step back, and looked at the finale as a whole. Dark Water and Death in Heaven are one story, not two, and it's actually a bloody good one. This might be the best use of Cybermen I've ever seen - creepy and chilling and heartfelt and sad - and Missy is a villain for the ages! Taken as a regular Doctor Who story, this is a very strong episode. But, on top of that, it's bookended by two absolutely brilliant sequences with Clara and the Doctor - fulfilling everything their arcs were building to and proving, once again, that Coleman and Capaldi are maybe the strongest actors the show has had. That's the real finale of the series, and it's damn near perfect.

Viewed in that light, how could I possibly be disappointed?

The Companion Piece 11: Dark Water

Doctor Who reached the first part of its climax this week, and I have to admit that it didn't completely work for me. It was good, definitely, but nothing really connected beyond the truly phenomenal opening scenes.

But what fantastic scenes they were! Clara, shockingly enough, steals the show again - turning well and truly to the dark-side but, more importantly, breaking our hearts first so that we'll understand why. And then the Doctor - Capaldi's cold, unsympathetic Doctor - turns the whole thing on its head and meets her betrayal with kindness and empathy. These two are so good together - so it's a shame that there's no more scenes like this after they leave the TARDIS.

There are, in Dark Water's defence, a lot of things it needs to set up. And it does so well, even at the expense of character drama. But add these new setups to the already massive pile of other things this series has set up, and there's a definite question over how (and even if) Moffat can pull all this together. I really hope it works, and I'm dying to find out how.

I've purposefully not said anything about, y'know, that reveal - or that other reveal that they gave away in the trailers - partly because spoilers, but mainly because that's exactly what The Companion Piece is for. Click the link below to head over to Hex Dimension and find out what the team made of all the questions and answers and more questions in this week's episode!

The Companion Piece 10: In the Forest of the Night

Lets break this down.

The world is threatened by a solar flare (like in Time Heist), it's overrun by a real forest that became a myth (like Robot of Sherwood), and the solution to both of these problems is to Listen. The troubled children are back, the noble soldiers are back, and my fixation with the probably-coincidental eye motif is back. All of this takes place in an episode that heavily mirrors Kill the Moon in almost every respect.

I have no idea what any of this means, of course, but it's clear that this is a very dense series with a lot on its mind. That's pretty exciting, and I can't wait to see how it all pays off.

The anchor around which all these themes and their payoffs presumably orbit is Clara. Her arc continues this week as she actually surpasses the Doctor in her Doctor-ness, remaining practical in the face of extinction while he despairs. What's really interesting is that her "save who you can" speech seems remarkably similar to Donna's attitude in The Fires of Pompeii - an episode which also had an eye motif and which ended with the Doctor... saving Peter Capaldi.

Did I mention this series is dense?

As always, these more allegorical episodes are the most contentious and the most fun to talk about, so I think this week's Companion Piece is one of our best discussions! Click the image below to read the team's thoughts - and bonus points to anyone who recognises the font it uses.

The Companion Piece 09: Flatline

Another week where everyone on the team enjoyed the episode! Hooray!

I would never have suspected, this time last year, that Jenna Coleman might be the best actor since 2005 to play a Companion, but I think this episode settles it. Clara is amazing here - exceptional, as the Doctor puts it - and her story continues to be the main draw of this series for me.

It helps that she's surrounded by inventive monsters and a smart plot, of course, and The Companion Piece delves into all that too. To read our usual helping of discussion and crackpot theories, click the mural below (my favourite header-image so far) and don't forget to enter our gore-filled Hallowe'en draw!

The Companion Piece 08: Mummy on the Orient Express

"People with guns to their heads, they cannot mourn. We don't have time to mourn!"

And there it is - the explanation for all Capaldi's seeming callousness this series, and the confirmation of what I've suspected since Into the Dalek. This Doctor still cares about people, but he's almost frighteningly practical about it. Capaldi's attitude to death is actually one of my favourite things about his Doctor so far, and this episode made the absolute most of that.

Something else I love, which got touched on back in our Listen discussion, is how excited he always seems by danger. I thought back then that was just a quirk of his performance, but it turns out this week that it's an intentional and fundamental part of his character. And Clara's too, it seems, as she begins to adopt all of the Doctor's worst qualities - not least of which is the generous application of Rule One.

Hang on. An emotionally detached genius with an adrenaline-junkie sidekick? We've seen this before. But, unlike Sherlock and Watson, the balance between plot and character feels much more comfortable here. Clara's "addiction" is clearly a major piece of the plot - along with soldiers and robots and death - but that plot feels like it's evolving naturally rather than being forced upon us. Series Eight is kicking Seven's arse, in other words.

I really liked this episode, in case you can't tell. It hit all the right notes for me, and I'd have loved to get into all its juicy details with The Companion Piece this week. But, alas, I couldn't make it - there were alpacas to feed and waves to jump in - but the excellent Paul B has stepped up to the (boiler) plate and taken charge on this one. He's done an amazing job, and it was kind of wonderful to experience one of these as a reader for the first time instead of a contributor. The team has some great thoughts on all this so, as always, hit the link below!

The Companion Piece 07: Kill the Moon

The whole idea of The Doctor Who Companion Piece - the reason it's framed as a discussion each week instead of a straight review - is so that we can dig a little deeper into the ideas and themes of the episodes. And this week was a goldmine.

Not that I think Kill the Moon was a particularly good episode or anything. It was not. But it gave us more interesting things to discuss, I think, than any other episode this series - not even Listen.

We got into a bunch of interesting topics, but there's one huge one that overwhelmed all the rest for me. Which is weird, because no-one else seemed to have even noticed it. For me there was such an unsubtle subtext to this episode that it was basically just text. And it was kind of awful.

To find out exactly what it is that I'm skirting around, click the super-nerdy pic below. And click here for the chance to win a free sci-fi novel!

The Companion Piece 06: The Caretaker

This week's episode of the Doctor Who Companion Piece was quite an exciting one, for a couple of reasons.

The first exciting reason is the newly improved visual theme, which you can actually see right here! I'm really pleased with it, and I learnt a bunch of new stuff figuring out how to do it - I've already got a much better grasp of CSS, JavaScript, and even basic HTML than I did last week. I want to learn more, too, so expect this blog to become a playground of graphical nonsense in the coming months.

The second, even more exciting reason is that The Caretaker is the first episode of this series that everyone in the team properly enjoyed. With the exception of a naff baddie, this one delivered on every level - and it actually gave us a lot to talk and think about.

To read all those thoughts (and talks) just click the fancy link below!

The Companion Piece 05: Time Heist

Doctor Who does Ocean's Eleven. It sounds like an amazing premise - so amazing, in fact, that I couldn't believe no-one had thought of it before. I couldn't wait for this episode! Yet Time Heist left me cold somehow.

Heist movies, and series like the BBC's own Hustle, have a very particular structure - the gang plan the job (with a slick montage and great music), then they execute it and it all goes horribly wrong, and they have to improvise their way out of it (which often turns out to have secretly been the plan all along). But Time Heist had none of that - they stumble in without a plan, meaning that there's no plan to go wrong - so it never actually feels like the heist movie it's trying to be.

It felt like a wasted opportunity. But there was still a lot to like, and the rest of the Companion Piece team seemed to love it. To get both sides of that discussion, as well as some deeper insights into the series this week, click the mugshot below.

Also, for a chance to win Jeff VanderMeer’s new novel  Acceptance, click here!

The Companion Piece 04: Listen

Last May - at the lowest arc of my relationship with Doctor Who - I wrote a piece describing the elements that make up the best Doctor Who stories, and lamenting the fact that they seemingly weren't making them like that any more. This week, following the latest episode, it's hard to believe I ever felt that way. Steven Moffat has written an episode that perfectly encapsulates everything I was talking about and more.

Listen is easily my favourite episode since The Girl Who Waited, A Good Man Goes to War, or maybe even Day of the Moon. It's just that good. In fact, it's probably even better.

So, I've kind of spoilt any surprise that will come from reading this week's Companion Piece - but you should still read it anyway, because the team have some really great thoughts on this one. For arguments about whether the monsters exist, and a wonderfully mad theory about the Master, click the image below!

By the way - in the ongoing debacle of the 100th Post, it turns out that my Tic-Tacs were passion-fruit and not mango. I thought you'd want to know...

The Companion Piece 03: Robot of Sherwood (100th post!)

Last week I mistakenly thought this blog had reached its hundredth post. I was dead wrong - it was only the ninety-nineth. But that means that today's post - this post - is the hundredth post instead! Yaay!

To celebrate one-hundred pages of my rambling, I've treated myself to a random box of Tic-Tacs that I found at the back of a cupboard. They're mango-flavoured and everything!

If you fancy celebrating with me, the best present you could give is to pop over to Hex Dimension and give us some traffic. Lots of awesome stuff on the site this week, as always, including an interview with Liz Prince about her new comic, Tomboy, and the latest installment of the dreaded Pile of Shame.

And, of course, we've got Doctor Who coming out of our ears. The latest Robin-Hood-themed episode seems to have been less well recieved than the others this series, but our team had a different reaction. To read the latest Companion Piece, and find out what we thought, click on the birthday cake below!

Here's to the next hundred!

The Companion Piece 02: Into the Dalek

Were back again, with another look at the Doctor's adventures! There's Daleks this week but, more importantly, far more time with our new Doctor and this latest incarnation of Clara.

I feel like The Companion Piece is really starting to find it's footing. It's becoming quicker to actually have the conversations, and it's slowly becoming fun to edit and format, rather than a chore. The new layout works really well and, for the first time, I think we figured out how to include pictures without breaking the flow.

On the whole we liked this episode a little less than the first, though I personally liked the peripheral stuff a lot more this time, and our own Dalek, Emily, actually liked this one a little bit more. Click the rather nifty banner below (biased opinion) to find out what else we thought about this second episode!

The Companion Piece 01: Deep Breath

Last Monday was the first episode of Hex Dimension's weekly feature looking at the latest series of Doctor Who and the adventures of Peter Capaldi's new Doctor. We call it... The Companion Piece.

Today that feature continues - the difference being that this week we actually had a new episode to talk about! The first episode of Series 8 aired this past Sunday, and I have to say I enjoyed it quite a lot. It's not spectacular, but it's a strong effort, introducing us to this new incarnation of the Doctor with both humour and horror, in true Doctor Who fashion. However, not everyone agrees with me, and we ended up with quite a mixture of feelings about it.

We've also made some aesthetic changes - adding user icons to our discussion and messing with the layout. I'd originally planned to turn everyone into monsters, but we all agreed that was a little too disturbing, as Silence-Matt and Ood-Paul here should probably illustrate.

So please click on, and find out what the team and I thought of Capaldi's introduction, as well as our thoughts on dinosaurs, Romans, lizard lips, and the afterlife.

It's all going on in this week's Companion Piece!

The Companion Piece 00: Who?

If you're at all familiar with this blog, or with me as a person, then you'll know that I love me some Doctor Who. Or rather, you'll know that I love talking about Doctor Who. At horrifying length.

Well, good news for both of us, because me and the rest of the Hex Dimension crew are launching a new weekly Doctor Who feature to coincide with the start of the new series this coming Saturday. It's good news for me because it means I get to talk about Doctor Who every week; and it's good news for you because I won't be the only one talking, and because the others might be able to shut me up.

Tonight, in the run-up to Series 8, we ran the first instalment - an introduction to the team and a look back at the programme so far. We talk about our favourite Doctors, discuss what we are and aren't looking forward to this year, and discover that one of us is even grumpier about this stuff than me!

I really do hope you'll check it out, because a lot of effort, confusion and panic went into making this. No doubt there will be even more effort, confusion and panic as the weeks go on, and I fall back into my familiar pattern of alternately bitching and raving about the show. But, for now at least, I'm immensely proud of how this first one turned out.

So please, head over to Hex Dimension for our pre-series discussion, and don't forget to check back on Monday for the first real episode of...

NerdTech in 2014

Frequent visitors to this blog (all four of you) have probably noticed that there's not been a lot going on since November, and that what little has been happening has been happening late. The reason for this, as I'm sure my friends (all two of you) know, is that I am getting married.

It turns out, shockingly, that weddings are a hell of a lot of work. We've barely had any time for ourselves amid all the paper-folding, food-tasting and horrendous arguments about shoes. Any free time we have had we've mainly spent panicking that we were forgetting to do something else. Blogging, let alone going to the cinema, has been out of the question, if only because we haven't had the energy. Like a black-hole, this event is swallowing up every moment of our lives, and nothing can escape its pull.

However, as we approach the event horizon of that black-hole - the terrifying 22nd of March - time itself is beginning to warp and bend. We keep finding extra hours here and there, and we even rediscovered something called a "weekend". With most of the big stuff either out of the way or yet to begin, I can finally sit down and write some of the things I've wanted to write all year. I still don't have time to really do them justice (I am an incredibly slow writer) but hopefully I can get a few of the main ideas across.
So here, without further ado, is a taste of the blogs I might have written if I wasn't so blissfully in love:


Most Interesting Film of 2013

This is something I started last January as a companion piece to my Film of the Year stuff. I gave the award to Prometheus, an insane contradiction of a movie that I haven't stopped thinking about (or loudly deriding) since.
You might think, based on the number of pieces I've written about it, that Man of Steel would be the equivalent film of 2013. And you'd be dead wrong. Being interesting is the one thing Snyder's punchfest can't be accused of - it's just way too boring.

No, the 2013 award actually goes to Star Trek: Into Darkness. I only wrote about this film once, when I gave it a very positive review, but my feelings since then have become a bit more complicated. Its clear, on reflection and certainly on a second viewing, that this film simply doesn't make sense.
There's a bunch of reasons why - ranging from a dumb character reveal that doesn't actually affect the story, to a violent disregard for Star Trek lore and, indeed, science - but the main problem is that there are people in the torpedoes.

There are people in the torpedoes.

Everything that stems from that is just nonsense. Why Khan puts them there is nonsense. Why Marcus puts them on the Enterprise is nonsense. How the Enterprise is supposed to fire them with no fuel-compartment is nonsense. Why everyone expects them to use all seventy-two is nonsense. Why anyone would want them to use all seventy-two is nonsense. It's all nonsense.

But the interesting thing - the reason it gets this award - is that, somehow, Into Darkness still works. The film thunders along at such a pace that you don't notice this stuff at all, and even if you do notice, it doesn't detract from the enjoyment. It's a film with serious problems - deep, core, fundamental problems - yet it plays perfectly, every time. I have no idea how that dichotomy works, or how it's even possible, and that puzzle is what's so interesting!
What is clear is that, while JJ Abrams may have an unhealthy fascination with unopened boxes and incompetent writers, he's a bloody magician of a director.


The Year of the Doctor

2013 was the year I fell out of love with Doctor Who. But, after the excellent anniversary episode, it won me back. After such a rocky year, though, I was very wary that the Christmas episode - not to mention Matt Smith's final appearance - could easily go in either direction.
Happily, The Time of the Doctor was far more in line with November's offering than with the lacklustre series before it. Like the anniversary, I felt it was a fitting end to a particular era and a respectful nod to the history of the programme.
Also like the anniversary, we finally got a few answers about longstanding questions. Not least of which was the actual Question. The explanations of the Silence, both as a species and as a religion, were also pretty damn clever and never felt like the handwaves they probably were.

The only real problem I had (other than Clara continuing to be Clara) was that this episode completely altered a Fixed Point in Time. That's pretty much the cardinal sin of Doctor Who. We'd seen the Doctor's grave on Trenzalore - very very important things had occurred there - and now it never existed. That planet should have been crawling with Time Reapers long before the credits rolled.
But even that, huge bugbear that it is, wasn't enough to bother me when the rest was so good.

As for Matt Smith's big ending, which I've heard quite a few people complain about, I thought it was pretty spot on. I would have loved it even more, though, if they'd been ballsy enough to end it with the explosion. If that shoe had been Capaldi's, as we all thought it was going to be, it could have been almost as perfect as Eccleston's farewell (I don't think they're ever going to top that). But I understand that we needed our last moments to be with Smith as he was during the series, not buried under Prometheus makeup - and at least it wasn't as obnoxious as all the fanservice bollocks we got with Tennant.
Speaking of the makeup, I've heard a lot of complaints that the defeat of the Daleks was anticlimactic - that it was just an old man yelling at the sky. Well, yes, that's exactly what it was. That's exactly what it always is. The Doctor is, and always has been, just an old man shouting defiantly at the stars.
That's exactly what Doctor Who is about; and that's why I love it.


DreamWorks' Daddy-Issues

Over Christmas, I saw Kung Fu Panda 2 for the second time, and came to a shocking revelation about DreamWorks Animation:

Shrek is a film about an ogre breaking free of fairytale convention to rescue a princess and defeat a prince. Shrek 2 is about Fiona's parents.
Madagascar is a film about the institutionalisation of zoo animals, and how unsuited they are to their natural habitat. Madagascar 2 is about Alex's parents.
Kung Fu Panda is a film about a group of lost souls, who all just happen to be kung fu masters, coming to accept themselves in different ways. Kung Fu Panda 2 is about Po's parents.
How to Train your Dragon is a film about one single friendship leading to peace and understanding between two eternally warring races. I'll give you one guess what How to Train your Dragon 2 is about.

Mr Katzenberg, sir? I think you may need help. It's obvious that you have some deep-seated issues regarding your parents, and I worry that this hangup is doing more damage than good; both to you and to your films. With Kung Fu Panda 3 looking like it will also focus on Po's parents, I urge you to speak with somebody. With time and counselling, perhaps you can escape from this repetitive (and frankly lazy) storytelling cul-de-sac.


Sherlock and the Mystery of the Missing Mysteries

Now, this is where things get interesting.
I didn't like series three of Sherlock very much, and I wanted to write a piece explaining why. The thing is that, unlike the other stuff I've mentioned, I actually did write this one. I just didn't write it here.

In a shocking twist of fate, I have been assimilated into the Hex Dimension; the same sinister hivemind that consumed my brother and a bunch of my friends. I put up a fight for a while, but the offer of a larger audience - of more people to shout my grumpy opinions at - eventually won me over and I quietly succumbed to the beast.
So when I finally did write about Sherlock, and what bothered me about this latest series, I did so at Hex Dimension.

Read it here!


Onwards and Upwards

You've probably noticed that my stuff tends to ramble and meander and generally go on for too long. This is a particular problem with the wedding swallowing up all my time, but it's an issue all on its own, too. Hex Dimension has a tight framework of style-guides and word-limits which, frankly, is something I probably need in my writing, and certainly need right now. Not to mention that it just feels great to be part of a bigger, busier, more vibrant site.
As a result, I'm hoping to keep writing for Hex. I'm working on a couple of pieces about gaming (something I've never really written about on this blog) and I'll be reviewing The Lego Movie in a few days (squee!).

That doesn't mean this blog is ending, though. While I'll be posting short opinion pieces and reviews to Hex, anything that's too long or too ranty or simply too personal will still be posted here on NerdTech. On top of that, Mangaphobia will not be going anywhere (I'll be writing about Death Note after the wedding) and I'll endeavour to post a link to anything I write elsewhere.

In the meantime, though, all the action is over at Hex Dimension. The site has a great new look, a great team of writers, and tonnes of stuff on comics, games, TV, books, and any and all things nerdy. I'm enjoying it there and I hope you will too!

Come and join us!

Oh, the Horror!

In the original Evil Dead - Sam Raimi's 1981 horror extravaganza - the characters unwittingly find the Naturon Demonto, the Sumerian Book of the Dead. This book has the power to release unspeakable evil into the world but, strangely, the evil doesn't escape when they read from this cursed book, but rather when they listen to a recording of someone else reading from it. I tell you this as a cautionary tale - there is no doubt that something similar will happen if you listen to this week's Nerds Assemble Podcast!

Found chained up in the creepy basement of an old shack in the woods, this recording features the excellent talents of Emily King and Paul Blewitt, and some gibbering idiot called Matthew Hurd.
The team very kindly invited me to take part in their Hallowe'en special, to talk about a selection of horror films and their more recent remakes, and I had a really great time. Y'know, until zombies started clawing at the windows and the trees started getting frisky; then it was less fun.

In truth I haven't actually listened to it, because I want to maintain the illusion that I didn't embarrass myself too much. I was stupidly nervous - I could barely speak at the beginning (I didn't insult Zack Snyder even once during the Dawn of the Dead talk) and by the end I think I was overcompensating, but hopefully some of the stuff in the middle makes sense!

While it might not necessarily release the unstoppable forces of evil, this podcast will definitely release the unfortunate forces of spoil. There's spoilers throughout for Dawn of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Maniac, Maniac, The Evil Dead, and Evil Dead, so be careful. I don't think these spoilers will ruin any of the films, but the Maniac and Evil Dead remakes, at least, are probably best seen fresh.

You can find the Nerds Assemble special Hallowe'en edition right here, and the rest of their episodes here.

I had great fun doing this, despite ridiculous stage-fright, and I really appreciate their asking me to. Thanks, guys; I hope we can do it again some time!
Now, could you let me out of this basement, please? I swear I'm back to normal now. And I'm really sorry about the thing with the pencil. Guys? Anyone? Please?

The Bitesize Twilight Saga

The first time I wrote about a film on the internet (outside of comments sections and forums) was not last year's Film of the Year awards. It was actually four years ago, on DeviantArt of all places. And, believe it or not, it was about Twilight.

Twilight, and its four sequels, are almost entirely terrible (I say "almost" because the third one actually has some good bits). I genuinely could not believe how terrible the first one was when I saw it. I felt deeply insulted. Not as an audience-member or as a film-lover - I felt insulted as a human being. The fact that this unbelievably tedious, badly made, badly written, badly acted thing was being sold as entertainment was an insult to the intelligence of our species as a whole. The fact that it was phenomenally popular made me want to abandon and possibly murder that species.

But, instead of a killing-spree, I put my energy into warning others not to watch it. I made a comic-strip version of the movie, so that anyone who was curious could experience the plot and tone of the film without actually subjecting themselves to the torturous eternity it takes to watch. I called it "panart", because there isn't actually a word for fanart born of hatred.

For those unfamiliar with DeviantArt, it's a sort of online art-gallery, where you can post any and all kinds of art and it can be viewed and appraised by other users. In practice this means it's mostly horrifying porn, but that's true of the entire internet. What's important is that you can also write accompanying text to explain the art, and that writing the text for my Twilight comic was essentially the first time I tried to review a film. It wasn't much of a review - it's barely two-hundred words and it's mostly just insults - but I'm pretty sure that's where the seeds of this blog were planted. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Since then, I've also done comics for New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn (part 1), and I used the text to talk about those movies, too. Each review is longer and more reviewy than the last - they're still mostly just insults, though.

Happily, the nightmare is now over. Just last night I posted my final Twilight comic - Breaking Dawn (part 2) - to DeviantArt, and wrote a ridiculously excessive two-thousand words to go with it. Still mostly just insults.
To mark this final conclusion to the series that first got me reviewing movies, and to celebrate the fact that I will never have to watch this poison again, I'm posting the whole series on the blog that it eventually inspired. Here, in all its tedious glory, is the saga of Bitesize Twilight:

Bitesize Twilight
Bitesize New Moon
Bitesize Eclipse
Bitesize Breaking Dawn (part 1)
Bitesize Breaking Dawn (part 2)

Dudey Joe 3 - 02: A Hero Will Rise

You may vaguely recall a promise, in early February, of an update on the status of Dudey Joe 3. It's fine if you don't remember, though, because neither did I.

Despite all evidence to the contrary, production on the short is still happening. It's just a lot slower than expected.
Animating in Flash was a lot easier back when I didn't really know how to animate. Now that I do, I'm building this thing frame-by-frame in a program not remotely designed for frame-by-frame. It's excruciating, to be honest - but I've started it like this and I intend to finish it the same way!

To prove that the project does still exist - and to prove that Joe Eckson is actually in it - here is the first official still from Dudey Joe 3.

What's that in his hand? Is he pulling a lever? Or is this a "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" moment with a staff? These, I'm sure, are the burning questions that will plague websites the world over until the film's eventual release.

As for when that release will be, I can't be certain. Production is about two-thirds complete, most of the character animation is done, and it's coming together nicely. It will hopefully be finished by early summer, but it's too soon to call that official.
Judging by how long it's been since the last update I'm not sure even I believe that!

In other news, you may recall another promise, from the same post, regarding something called "Mangaphobia". Unlike the update you're reading now, Mangaphobia is a promise I have not forgotten about, and should be gracing this very blog quite soon.